Euro 2012 Day 12 Match 1

England 1 Ukraine 0

This England team is difficult to figure,

a riddle and a puzzle, an enigma.

When they attack, they’re making schoolboys snigger

and still they have the old defensive stigma.

They’re ponderous and beatable

and eminently defeatable

but though they should be firmly in the soup,

still, they very easily topped their group.

This England team should be back home in Blighty

instead of squaring up to the Italians.

They must have struck a deal with Aphrodite

and could be coming home with gold medallions.

The tabloids are derogative

and question their prerogative

but though nobody gives the team a chance,

still they topped Ukraine, the Swedes and France.

This England team defies close analysing

but still, they’re here while others have gone home.

They’re very poor, but would it be surprising

if they broke the hearts of everyone in Rome?

This is really scatty stuff.

They’ve courage – but is that enough?

Technically they should be on the spot

but they’re still here while Netherlands are not.