Euro 2012 Day 18 Rest Day

Five seconds of fame

Five seconds of fame, you’re up on the big screen.

Yes, you, the one who can’t believe his eyes,

with silly hat and face all painted green.

The game itself is mundane and routine.

(The whistle blows more than you realise.)

Five seconds of fame, you’re up on the big screen.

It takes some time to lose your puzzled sheen

before you jump and holler with surprise,

with silly hat and face all painted green.

You shake the girlfriend till she bursts her spleen,

pointing wildly up into the skies.

Five seconds of fame! You’re up on the big screen!

But by the time she’s clued in to the scene,

the camera’s panned away to other guys

with silly hats and faces painted green.

You hope it’s taped, and no-one wipes it clean,

so you can reminisce when old and wise.

Five seconds of fame, we were up on the big screen.

with silly hats and faces painted green.

Euro 2012 Day 17 Quarter Final 4

Italy 0 England 0 (Italy win 4-2 on penalties)

Sometimes a feat of courage leaves you thunderstruck

but Pirlo’s spot-kick got what it deserved.

Would you or I have left that penno under-struck?

Sometimes a feat of courage leaves you thunderstruck.

The notion that it could have been a blunder struck

the millions watching; left us quite unnerved.

Sometimes a feat of courage leaves you thunderstruck

but Pirlo’s spot-kick got what it deserved.

Euro 2012 Day 16 Quarter Final 3

Spain 2 France 0

To Donetsk, far Ukraine city,

so far east it must be Asia,

came the Spanish in their thousands,

with Manolo, pounding rhythm,

playing with their ten midfielders,

masters of the ball retention;

and the French, the handball heroes,

lambs to slaughter sacrificial.

Napoleon, in all his glory,

never ventured this far eastwards

and no-one really gave the French a

single centime for their chances.

And so the Spanish midfield started

knocking it around at leisure,

Xabi out to Iniesta,

on to Pedro, back to Xabi,

to Alonso, back to Xabi,

on to Silva, ‘cross to Busquets,

Fabregas, then Iniesta,

Pedro, Xabi and Alonso,

on to Busquets, on to Silva,

Iniesta, back to Xabi,

Fabregas and Iniesta.

On and on and on, they did this,

like they do in pre-match training,

four ‘gainst four in small rectangle,

till the French became frustrated

charging forward, forced the issue,

like a bull, enraged and snorting.

Then Iniesta sidestepped smartly,

drove the knife deep down to Pedro,

crossed and in came bold Alonso

with a lethal downward header.

And, with this fatal wound inflicted,

they went back to red cape waving,

Xabi out to Iniesta,

on to Pedro, back to Xabi,

to Alonso, back to Xabi,

on to Silva, ‘cross to Busquets,

Fabregas, then Iniesta,

Pedro, Xabi and Alonso,

on to Busquets, on to Silva,

Iniesta, back to Xabi,

Fabregas and Iniesta.

Euro 2012 Day 15 Quarter Final 2

Germany 4 Greece 2

The lovely Mrs. Merkel

sat within the golden circle

with Platini and the rest of the antiques

and she watched proceedings smugly,

winning beautiful not ugly,

as the Germans went to town against the Greeks.

Philip Lahm’s first touch was deft

as he cut in from the left,

as reporters started drafting their critiques.

And the accolades were ringing,

like the shot that he sent winging,

as the Germans went one up against the Greeks.

Samaras then pulled one back

in a very rare attack

and the blue and white paint glistened on fans’ cheeks,

but Khedira’s fiery volley

turned a nation melancholy

as the Germans got the lead back ‘gainst the Greeks.

Ten long years now since Japan

and Miroslav is still yer man,

prospering from all defensive leaks.

And he scarcely broke a sweat

as his header found the net

to make the Germans comfy ‘gainst the Greeks.

And when Reus drove from afar

and nearly broke the flimsy bar,

the Germans showed that they could scale the peaks.

And a last-gasp Greek spot kick

scarcely mattered as the slick

and ruthless Germans breezed on past the Greeks.

So the Germans keep on winning

and Frau Merkel keeps on grinning

and this has been the case for several weeks.

They’re star just keeps on rising,

so it wasn’t quite surprising

that the Germans really stuck it to the Greeks.

Euro 2012 Day 14 Quarter Final 1

Portugal 1 Czech Republic 0

You’ve got to hand it to him,

he strode like a colossus.

You’ve got to hand it to him,

looked dangerous on crosses.

Without him, it might well have ended goalless.

Without him, they’d have struggled to a draw.

The fare would have been uninspired and soulless

and frankly turned into a turgid bore.

You’ve got to hand it to him,

the Czechs could not contain him.

You’ve got to hand it to him,

they couldn’t shackle or restrain him.

Without him, it would have been unexciting.

Without him, we’d have turned on to the news.

The game was much in need of some igniting

and guess who was the one who lit the fuse?

You’ve got to hand it to him,

though he might irk you greatly.

You’ve got to hand it to him,

he’s not as obnoxious lately.

Without him, we’d have spent the evening snoozing,

snoring at the sight of Czech resilience.

Without him, there’d have been the risk of losing

a television audience of millions.

The man of the match award.

The man of the match award.

You’ve got to hand it to him.

Euro 2012 Day 13 Rest Day

Rest Day

What, no football? Whad’ll I do?

What, no football? Whad’ll I do?

What, no football? Whad’ll I do?

Skip to Kalou, my darling.

Where’s my children, Bert and Sue?

Where’s my children, Bert and Sue?

Where’s my children, Bert and Sue?

Skip to Kalou, my darling.

Roo, Roo, skip to Kalou

Roo, Roo, skip to Kalou

Roo, Roo, skip to Kalou

Skip to Kalou, my darling.

Lord, my wife is missing too,

Lord, my wife is missing too,

Lord, my wife is missing too,

Skip to Kalou, my darling.

She must be two weeks overdue,

She must be two weeks overdue,

She must be two weeks overdue,

Skip to Kalou, my darling.

Roo, Roo, skip to Kalou

Roo, Roo, skip to Kalou

Roo, Roo, skip to Kalou

Skip to Kalou, my darling.

Regrets? Perhaps I’ve had a few,

Regrets? Perhaps I’ve had a few,

Regrets? Perhaps I’ve had a few,

Skip to Kalou, my darling.

I bet a monkey we’d score two,

I bet a monkey we’d score two,

I bet a monkey we’d score two,

Skip to Kalou, my darling.

Roo, Roo, skip to Kalou

Roo, Roo, skip to Kalou

Roo, Roo, skip to Kalou

Skip to Kalou, my darling.

Euro 2012 Day 12 Match 2

Sweden 2 France 0

The Swedes are gone; we’ll miss their chants

and how they caused us all to look askance

at France.

They led the French a merry dance

and scarcely offered up a single chance

to France.

Did Ibrahimovich perchance

administer a swift kick up the pants

to France?

Les Bleus took a defensive stance
which has occasioned many irate rants

in France.

And Guildenstern and Rosencrantz

sided with the boys from Herts and Hants

over France.

They ran around like headless ants

and played as if they’d been put in a trance,

did France.

And journos, full-time or free-lance,

have said they will not take a second glance

at France.

In football, there’s not much romance,

so Sweden did not manage to advance,

like France.